![]() A Tale of Rebellion and Vanity The Book of Samuel (2 Samuel 18:18) tells us that Absalom, the rebellious son of King David, built a monument to himself and named it Absalom’s Monument, or Yad Avshalom. This ancient rock-cut tomb with a conical roof was named after Absalom because he said, “I have no son to carry on my name.” The tomb, also called Absalom’s Pillar, still stands in the Kidron Valley, and for centuries, Jews, Christians, and Muslims have come to throw stones at it. It is said that residents of Jerusalem still take their children to the tomb to teach them about what became of a rebellious son. The Legacy of Stones: Teaching Through Tradition There’s a powerful lesson in this story that transcends generations: We do not honor people who seek their own honor; for to seek your own honor is dishonorable. This ancient lesson is especially relevant in the age of YouTube, Instagram, WhatsApp, and TikTok, where self-promotion and the pursuit of fame are rampant. Every day, we see social media posts proclaiming personal victories and achievements. This phenomenon is not limited to social media; it permeates professional environments as well. On the client side, I've had the honor of working with great frontline managers and hourly employees at companies like IBM, FedEx, Tenneco, American Airlines, ExxonMobil, and Danone who never sought the spotlight. Instead, they consistently recognized the efforts of their team and encouraged them to share in the success. Their humility and genuine leadership earned the respect and admiration of everyone in the office, factory, refinery or field location where they worked, a stark contrast to those who constantly seek their own honor. Modern Echoes: The Age of Self-Promotion Consider how this ancient wisdom contrasts with contemporary behaviors:
As a leader in public relations, I've attended and helped lead dozens of industry awards events through the years. I'll admit the atmosphere is always electric, filled with anticipation and excitement. As the evenings progress, however, I can't help but notice how some individuals are more focused on being seen and recognized than on the actual achievements being celebrated. One year, I was stunned when a highly recognized PR agency scion rushed to the stage to grasp from the clutches of his team an award they had won, Their night became his. It was a stark reminder of how easily the pursuit of personal glory can overshadow genuine contributions. True Honor: Stories of Selfless Service There is a difference between self-promotion and advancing the needs of others. There is a difference, too, between reputation and character. Those who hunger for visibility, power, and recognition, or who relentlessly campaign for awards, always find favor in a small circle of industry leaders who reward them. What do we truly gain from these displays of self-promotion? Do they lead to genuine respect and admiration, or do they merely feed our egos and personal brands? The story of Absalom reminds us that seeking our own honor is not a path to true greatness. Instead, true honor comes from humility, service, and the recognition of others. Lessons for Leaders: Building a Culture of Humility To mark the 80th anniversary of the D-Day landings in Normandy, American Airlines and its partners – TriWest Healthcare Alliance, Gary Sinise Foundation, Robert Irvine Foundation, and Old Glory Honor Flight – will fly 70 World War II veterans to France to honor them for their service and sacrifice. Among the many heroes on that flight will be U.S. Navy veteran Felix Maurizio, who was on a landing craft that deployed troops onto Omaha Beach on D-Day. One of the soldiers he dropped off was his brother, Sal, who served in an Army medical unit. Frank Perry, who served in the Army Air Corps as a turret gunner in central Europe in March 1945, and later served 40 years with Piedmont Airlines, a company acquired by American, will also be on board. Men and women like the Maurizio brothers, Perry, millions of others who served with them, and more than 400,000 who died in the war, are revered not for their pursuit of personal glory, but for their selfless commitment to serving others. Truly, they were The Greatest Generation. As a consultant on leadership and strategic employee engagement, I’ve had the privilege of working with.truly exceptional leaders. One CEO in the manufacturing industry I worked with regularly volunteered his time and resources to support community projects world-wide. He never sought recognition for his contributions, yet his actions inspired countless employees to follow his example. His quiet dedication to service created a culture of humility and collective success within the company. In the corporate world, the most effective leaders are those who lift others up, rather than those who constantly seek the spotlight for themselves. They create environments where employees feel valued and empowered, leading to greater engagement and productivity. When leaders focus on the success of their team rather than their own accolades, they build a culture of trust and respect. Reflect and Act: Are You Lifting Others Up? As we navigate our careers and personal lives, let us remember the lesson of Absalom. He betrayed his father and lost his life trying to overthrow him. The irony is that Absalom wasn’t even buried in the tomb built to aggrandize his tragic life. He was laid in a pit in the forest of Ephraim, and a large heap of rocks was piled on him— his legacy ultimately separated from the grand monument he created for himself. "Mann Tracht, Gott Licht," is an old Yiddish adage that means, "Man Plans, and God Laughs." Reflecting on my own journey, I’ve found that the most fulfilling moments come not from personal accolades but from lifting others up and contributing to their success. It’s a lesson I strive to remember every day, ensuring that my actions are driven by genuine service rather than the pursuit of recognition. Let us strive to honor others and seek fulfillment through meaningful contributions rather than self-promotion. True honor is not something that can be proclaimed or awarded; it is earned through our actions and the impact we have on those around us. Reflect on your motivations and actions: Are you seeking your own honor, or are you lifting others up? True greatness lies in the latter, and that is the legacy we should all aspire to leave behind.
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![]() Reading last week that Baidu, the Chinese search giant, fired its head of public relations for raging against Gen Z team members, I was reminded of the outrageous behaviors of certain clients and prospective clients through the years. I remember when the public relations leader of a Midwest beverage client called with a complaint against our New York media relations team during Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. “Hey, Burton!” the client yelled into the phone in an annoyed tone. “Can’t your agency hire some Protestants on the media relations team so that we have somebody to work with?” Appalled at her insensitivity and reckless style, I responded that I wouldn’t dignify this conversation with a response. Lesson 1: Respect for diversity and sensitivity towards different cultures and religious practices are non-negotiable in professional settings. Leaders must uphold these values to foster an inclusive work environment. This same executive regularly dressed down and insulted her team and ours, leading to heavy turnover and morale casualties on both sides. When her best people moved on to escape the madness, she claimed they now were better prepared to lead in their new endeavors. My retort was, "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." She wore as a badge of honor the description of “ballsy” that had been given to her by a C-Suite colleague. Always remember that a leopard never changes its spots. Lesson 2: Toxic leadership styles that rely on intimidation and insults may yield short-term compliance but result in long-term damage, such as high turnover and low morale. Respectful and supportive leadership is essential for sustainable success. During a frenetic reengineering project for a Philadelphia-headquartered service company, I met with our client, a McKinsey & Co. alum, to discuss our team’s work on the engagement. While we were on-site three of five weekdays and clocked 12- to 14-hour days aggressively driving the workload, he dressed me down for what he characterized as a lack of commitment by our team – despite the reality that we were killing ourselves for their cause and enduring a relentless shifting of deadlines. “Why can’t you guys be more like the team at (major consultancy)?” he said with a sneer. That consulting team literally slept on couches in the client’s office, awoke for meetings in wrinkled garb, dined on unhealthy snacks from vending machines, and never left the building. No individual on my team ever slept on couches or would tolerate these behaviors. Lesson 3: Unrealistic expectations and comparison to other teams can demoralize and demotivate employees. It's crucial to recognize and appreciate the efforts of your team and maintain reasonable work conditions to prevent burnout. When I met the feisty founder of a major telecommunications firm on a new business pitch in Dallas in the early ‘80s, he spent a full hour using every expletive in the book and chain-smoking. In his heyday, this leader was known for his 15-hour workdays, during which he would smoke up to three packs of Larks and drink two dozen cups of coffee. I thought my Dad, who had sharpened his profanity as a Marine Corps aviator in WWII, had quite the vocabulary, but his was tame in comparison to this man. I tried to imagine the two women on our team working with the client and knew from their pained faces and frightened glances that it could never happen. We didn’t pursue the business. Lesson 4: Cultural fit and mutual respect are critical in business relationships. Sometimes, it's better to walk away from potential clients who do not align with your values and standards. Then there was the chief communications officer at a major brewing company in the Western U.S. who sat with folded arms and raised eyebrows while we delivered our pitch, and then proceeded to unmercifully “roast” every member of our team as blood-sport. It was the first time I ever heard my wonderful Chicago executive colleague referred to as “Sellin’ Ellen,” and our New York office head asked how he made a living when he wasn’t writing bad prose for new business meetings. Lesson 5: Constructive criticism is valuable, but humiliation and disrespect are unacceptable. Leaders should provide feedback in a manner that fosters growth and maintains dignity. Finally, one of our agency teams had reached its breaking point with the head of communications at a major pharmaceutical company in Chicago. Team members who had endured verbal pummeling and humiliation at the hands of this client were threatening to rebel against our firm. Instead, I asked them to await my meeting with her to address our concerns. Calmly, I advised the client that if she persisted in haranguing our team over petty issues, we would resign the business, which was sizable. She listened, nodded her head, and we finished the meeting on a positive note. Two weeks later, the client fell back into her bad behavior. I immediately went to our agency’s corporate leaders, advised them that we would be resigning this client relationship, and then pulled the plug. It was an important action that sent a signal through the entire firm that character, integrity, and the honor of your team are more important than the income. Lesson 6: Upholding your team’s dignity and well-being is more important than any financial gain. Sometimes, taking a firm stand and resigning from toxic client relationships is necessary to preserve the integrity and morale of your team. Have you ever faced a client who made you question your career choices? Share your stories so that others can learn important leadership lessons from them. Ultimately, these experiences underscore that a leader's character and respect for their team are paramount, far outweighing any potential business gains from tolerating toxic behavior. |
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